You’d be better off taking advice scrawled on the wall in a filthy gas station bathroom than taking the word of this so called “Bull.” That they even have access to a word processor is a surprise to me! I bet they don't, actually. I am assuming they lost all of their money they put in the market and had to dictate these writings to some poor soul. Frankly, the article published earlier today made me feel queasy deep down in my stomaxh and I have to say my peace. I’ve been called the “bearer” of bad news before- but I’m used to it! It’s up to you to read ahead to find my tips, tips to keep YOUR money in YOUR hands!!
If you want to lose all of your hard earned cash, keep considering capital as something “human…” and pledge your “fealty” to the Bull! (All words in quotations have been taken directly from the writings of the Bull themselves)
Personally, I am a little scared. I am in line for gas at Costco typing this on my phone. My line is ringing off the hook with calls. The hair is standing up on my arms and I feel a prickly motion in my spine every time I get a message on Discord. But this cannot wait. The market right now is teetering on red. Gold is down. Electricity prices are soaring and are the only fiat I have even a smidgen of belief in. I come to you today, wherever you are, with warnings of a potential stock market crash which, in my opinion, will set forth a chain reaction that will put the already frost-bitten Western World into shock, resulting in organ failure (the organs in this metaphor are the banks, and other capitalist infrastructure), the likes of which you have never seen.
But the cold snap is over… So why, you ask, am I hunkering down?
I have cut enough of a profit to wait out the pending crash. GameStop & Cheesecake Factory have been an enormous help for me. I have zero position in these corporations now. But I made massive, fat profits on these companies and bought in well below even the current valuations for these companies and then I sold at a profit. I am now very well off because of my investments but the average American is doomed to fail. The average american is doomed to fail because the systems in place are built in a way that makes Americans think that they can come out on top by making their money work for them, but the truth is that the bigger corporations are there to put these Americans to work for THEM in order to turn a fat profit and keep their ledgers positive. That’s why it was important for you to sell the investments you have at the right time to make sure that you don’t get hurt in the end.
I will be paying a lot of taxes next year! I made a fat profit on the market when my money was in it! I’m not going to be happy I cashed out when it’s time to pay the piper at tax time, that’s for sure.
My recomendation is to go on the cash heavy side with your wallet. My buddy Gregg recently told me to take caution so I dumped all of my stocks. Before he tapped me I had about 20% cash and 60% in stocks. Now I have about 60% in cash and 20% in stocks. You are welcome to do what you want with your money.
Why cash?
Stock valuations have reached the point where they are completely disconnected from reality. At this point, they are entirely speculatory. Experts unanimously agree that it is only a matter of time until the bubble bursts. Armchair economists on online forums who believe the stock market is only worth as much as investors are willing to profit, but this is empirically false! Be sure to keep as much cash on your hand as you can, and be sure to take out all of your money BEFORE the stimulus hits and BEFORE armchair investors tank the market!
*The Bear has a mattress full of cash and a middle school diploma. Unfortunately, these alone do not qualify him as a financial professional. If you’re looking for legitimate market advice, seek it elsewhere.
**The Bull and The Bear is a (Psy)Op-Ed column and does not reflect the views of Laid Off NYC’s editorial staff.
