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Announcing The Bull and The Bear, a Laid Off Finance Column

. 1 min read
Announcing The Bull and The Bear, a Laid Off Finance Column

Last night, our editorial staff received a strange message in our Slack. Two hackers, known to us only as The Bull and The Bear, somehow infiltrated our ranks and told us they needed a platform to publish their intense financial debates. When we declined, they informed us our site would be taken down in minutes if we did not agree to their terms. Compliance was our only option.

It is with heavy hearts that we announce The Bull and The Bear: Capital Considerations, a recurring column that will occupy its very own section on our illustrious webpage. We shudder in fear of what these financial beasts of burden have in store for us. God help us all.

About Our New Contributors:

The Bull has a 210 IQ and a PhD in Deleuzian psycho-econometrics.The Bear has a mattress full of cash and a middle school diploma. Neither of them has any formal financial training, and whatever market commentary they offer in this section SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN AS PROFESSIONAL ADVICE! If you’re looking for actual expert opinions, go read a book or something.